Let’s Get Personal

An invitation

A Confession

I can’t seem to stay away from Substack.

I have no fear of losing subscribers. I don’t care about growing my audience or making a living from my writing. I have no ambition for more. I am content with what is.

I’ve written tributes to my father-in-law, my Abbu, and my daughter. I’ve been sharing a little bit more and more about my personal life.

Writing summaries, philosophizing, and ruminating out loud about ancient Sufi texts is not so hard. I write about love, a divine love, love of the Prophet (S) but I stay an arm’s length from personal vulnerability.

I do not use my full name.

I do not post photos of myself.

I do not identify myself fully.

I feel safe as an anonymous entity with a bitmoji face. oil

Maybe there’s a safety in being “just another Muslim woman writing on the internet.”

I know deep down that the privacy wall I’ve erected does not always work.

We live in a culture of sharing our innermost thoughts, reactions, and aspirations with an audience all the time. Young girls are taught to be their own brand, and the number one aspiration for Generation X is to be an influencer.

Because my background was in public health and philanthropy, where I wrote for a specific purpose, I still try to write with a thesis in mind. I feel odd sharing feelings without citing scholars or writing a newsletter that doesn’t also have some nugget of wisdom from an external, divine source. I’ve struggled to share my identity or personality in a deeply personal way because I am afraid of the consequences of NOT keeping a low profile.

My experience with social media is that it invites the part of our nafs that seeks and wants attention.

And yet…

I want to seek deeper, more robust conversations about topics that you find interesting: living prophetically, learning about the Prophet (S), ancient Sufi texts, the paradoxes of living faithfully in a faithless world, parenthood, the struggles of American motherhood; social and gender inequity.

I’m brainstorming more personal topics for Season 3 of this publication. Honestly, Sufi aphorisms are not top of mind next season.

Here’s The Ask

Welcome to Season 3 of Ugly Shoes, Paper Planes.

I invite you to join me in going deeper on my journey as a Muslim mother writing her existence and getting more personal with the details. I might default to something cerebral and esoteric out of sheer panic but I want to be more emotionally present for the moment.

Sharing something personal with a small group of paid subscribers doesn’t feel so hard.

It helps that most of my paid subscribers (so far) are people I know in real life. Some have been to my home. I’ve served them Hyderabadi biryani and chicken tikka pizza (I know some great restaurants). I’ve stood in their kitchens chewing ice from their ice machines. When their credit cards don’t go through Stripe, I text them directly to ask for another credit card. The people who have founding memberships are people who know me. College friends. Childhood friends. Spiritual teachers. Mentors. These are the people who have opened up their hearts to my writing. I am eternally grateful for their generosity and support because I wouldn’t be at season 3 without them!

Now, it’s time to lift the curtain a little more, and let more people in. The friends I’ve made on the internet, people who share my interests and want to support the work of a visibly Muslim creative, trying to stay creative through some tumultuous changes.

Maybe that’s you?

I invite you to join me in getting more personal in my writing.

What You Won’t Get

My writing is not polished. It’s not meant to be lyrical. I am not trying to be well-read by the masses. I cannot guide you on anything spiritual or religious. You won’t find tafsir, or exegesis here. I don’t really know anything at all.

We live in a society in which being self absorbed is profitable and welcome. The egoist, the narcissist, the deluded, the numb, and the dumb are all center stage in our national discourse.

I choose none of those pathways.

After a lifetime of being told “Never talk about money, politics, religion, or family in public” I am trying to do exactly that.

What You Will Get

Honesty. I am a regular Muslim person, with a basic level of knowledge. I didn’t even go to Sunday school as a kid, but as a mother of kids, I am trying to learn more about this beautiful religion of Islam. It is truly the greatest gift I’ve gotten.

My neighbor Ms. Stella dropped off about 30 pink, and white peonies from her garden. That is a wonderful gift! That’s how happy upgrading makes me feel.

For $5-$10/month, you’ll get exclusive access to my stories, and portraits of people you might otherwise never meet. For free subscribers, you will receive a monthly essay, based on a book I am reading or learning from.

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So in the spirit of quirky experimentation, which I believe is the ethos of Ugly Shoes Paper Planes, I’ve written “10 Things I Love About You” but it’s not what you think.