This Season is About Sacred Silence.

Focusing on priorities this fall in an extremely unfocused essay about too many things

"We often think that we want an open road and the ability to choose any direction for ourselves.

But sometimes, what we need is a tunnel that can reduce our choices and send us in a focused direction." - James Clear

Salaam Lovely,

It’s been quite a summer. With genocide and fascism as the backdrop to this so-called American life, I continue to write this newsletter.

First: a renewal of intention. What is the intention when there’s so much responsibility?

Three kids under 10 is no walk in the park. Literally, a walk in the park feels dangerous when one is scooting down a hill towards a lake, another is in a stroller crying because she wants to sleep, and the other is looking for something she left 10 yards behind. That is to say, writing is hard work, parenting is hard work, work is hard work, and on top of that, relationships are hard work.

In a world that’s so cluttered with ideas, when I’m interrupted in the summer at least 20 times an hour, making it harder to be introspective, I find silence precious. Rest is precious.

The following thoughts should really be 5 different essays. I apologize in advance. It has been brutal, the amount of challenges that I have overcome, as well as the number of challenges I have created. This was the worst and best summer of my life. My dreams and wish list continue to expand, while my body continues to shrink back into form after a healthy delivery (alhamdullilah) last year. I assumed that people who read this work will just disappear because I disappeared for a month or so, but real people don’t ghost you like that. Maybe immature people disappear from your life without an explanation but I write long, long letters explaining what I will do before I do it.

Here’s what I’m asking for (and please ask on my behalf as well!!):

“Oh Allah, soften my responses, calm my storms, and elevate me through silence for your sake.”

Thank you to Ustada Shamira for this dua and specifically her course through the Rahma Foundation. It was a lifechanging course, and I will write about it in depth.

And here’s another Dua:

O Allah grant me Your love and the love of those whose love will benefit me with You. O Allah, whatever you have provided me of that which I love, then make it strength for me for that which You love. O Allah, and what you have kept from me of that which I love, then make it for me a period of rest in that which You love.

This is season 6 of Ugly Shoes, Paper Planes. Essay # 136

I’m trying to be less online in this season of life, and yet the numbers look better than ever. Oddly, my silence here is fine, more than fine.

Here’s what’s in today’s newsletter

1. Life updates

2. Creativity updates

   1. Comedy

   2. Writing Retreat!

3. What To Expect

Life updates

(1) I am working again! Part-time. A huge thank you to my mentor Russ for connecting me to meaningful work, and the opportunity to be of service for a boutique philanthropic advising firm. This was a distant dream I had when I worked in corporate philanthropy, to help move money towards equity and healing. I like the simplicity of helping people gain access to resources without strings attached. I have so much to learn about reparative philanthropy.

At house parties, I introduce myself as a writer and a writing coach. I ask, you want to write online to grow your business or expertise? Are you looking for someone to coach you into building better writing habits? Is your child writing a college personal statement and they are not sure how to start? Let’s schedule a time to chat!

I only work with people I really like (or their parents) which means I do not have a lot of people I work with. Another way to say this: I am selective about who I work with and you should be too!

Healing can’t be rushed, unlike this newsletter. I don’t have time to edit, so forgive me..

Healing work involves the heart, mind and body. How am I trying to heal?

I’ve tried salawat and Dhikr, and those are lifelong practices that help regulate emotions. These bring peace to the heart. However, there are also practical things that can be done, as a mother of 3 kids under 10.

The Body: I’ve been walking, trying to cut sugar, cooking and cleaning daily—with the kids— as much as possible. I’ve been purging and giving away my favorite things: books. If I’ve given you a book as a gift, know that I probably love you. Even for Halloween, I leave free books for the kids in my neighborhood to take. My friend Nura jokes there are a thousand lost books in my house in need of a new home. I am not reading anything but children’s books.

No YA fantasy, no women’s lit, only kids books!! My adult fiction — Picoult, Yoon, Yang, Nyguhrn

I found joy standing with my bare feet on the earth as I kick a soccer ball in the backyard, getting on the floor to wipe clean the hardwood floors, or applying Trader Joe’s coconut oil to my hair. I bought my favorite body wash again. Caring for my body and the physical environment translates to caring for my family. Alhamdullilah for having a home to care for, and people to cook for.

The Mind: Budgeting has been such a beautiful tool for my mind.

One of my first readers told me about YNAB about a decade ago. I found it overwhelming back then, and I didn’t think I needed the tool. But the budget, like life, has peaks and valleys. It’s a cycle and being able to anticipate the changes is what matters. Instead of looking at a balance and hiring an attorney, next time I will slow down. Actually, there will not be a next time because I promise never to let my expenses and gifts to charity exceed my actual balance, because I know to anticipate that birthday months are expensive. They have always been that way, and at 40, as a mother of 3 kids, I see savings for my children as my new priority.

I cannot reasonably expect anyone else to do for me what I can do myself. And what I cannot do for myself, I will happily outsource, as is the way of corporate America.

I monitor the discretionary budget and planning expenses. It means that I now have a line item in the budget for what is important but variable like food and diapers and supporting other writers on this platform. Yes, I also have an allocation for writing classes, so I can be a better writer.

Thus, contributions on Substack go to a variety of things during this season of life. I am trying to make expenses: diapers, food, milk, fruit, clothing, tutoring… all of it is under my discretion, but deciding what the priorities are part of what I’m learning to juggle. I don’t have full time employment, or employer-based health insurance in my state, and so most of my expenses go to childcare.

If you know someone who could use some Ugly Shoes in her life, gift this publication or consider upgrading. I prefer keeping it 100% free this season.

Creativity Update

Comedy is a healing balm for the heart.

This month, my husband and I went to see Mo Amer. We laughed; we laughed until we almost cried. Racism hurts, killing us softly and systematically. The creative arts are a weapon against the status quo. Amer channeled his social anxiety into his semi-autobiographical Netflix story “Mo.”

But now, I see art-making differently. The empathy people feel for Muslims as a result of his comedy is a direct contrast to the blatant dehumanization of Palestinians and Muslims globally, but especially in American politics and policymaking. The fact that we can call people out for wrong as a society is what fuels movements.

Comedy is essential in the face of fascism. I don’t think I’ve been in a room with so many people from diverse backgrounds as that theater. I feel like I’ve learned a lot about storytelling from watching a stand-up comedian. It is truly one of the places where free expression is still possible in the public square.

The systemic silencing of Muslims of all colors is a wake-up call.

The institutions we’ve built, the customers we’ve served for decades and generations as doctors/lawyers/entrepreneurs, the taxes we’ve paid like good citizens, make no difference.

Our work ethic (despite what our parents taught us) in this capitalist system has not and will not save us from fascism.

And yet in the face of fascism, there is still so much opportunity for growth and coming together as a community, and as an ummah.

When there’s love and devotion in our hearts, there’s a transformation in our behavior.

Love can make you do things that look absolutely nuts: washing your feet in the bathroom sink; wearing long sleeves at the beach… You do things for the people you love, not just out of obligation but because it is the best thing to do.

Love is a verb, shown through actions and not words of affirmation alone.

Centering faith on the love of the Prophet is possible because he was a human being. It is easier to know him as a man because of the extensive writings about his life, what he said, and what he did, especially from his wife Aisha (RA).

And it was only recently in my adult life that I learned about how he related to his wives, to those he loved. At a time (600 AD) when people in Europe wondered if women had souls or were property, and in India, where high-caste widows burned their bodies after their spouses died, Arab women who became Muslim gained both spiritual and economic power in an unprecedented way. They began to inherit from their fathers, and spouses. They were addressed directly in the holy text — “believing women, believing men.” Even menstruating women— their questions, needs, and emotional needs— were addressed by the Prophet. Why wouldn’t they be? It seems so obvious that believing women regardless of their physical condition, would be heard and valued, and affirmed. And yet, history shows us how strict adherence to man-made rules fuels sexism in the worst ways.

Some of the most liberated women I’ve met in the West wear niqaab, the face covering. Their freedom is in how they spend their time, while their spouses work hard to provide; their freedom is in how they dress at home, versus in the public square. We can’t really “see” their liberation in the same way unless you’re in their homes, and then you know from the peace and tranquility that liberation means freedom from capitalist constraints.

Finding Romance in the Seerah

If I was an aspiring romance writer before, I became even more of a romantic after reading the seerah.

It is quite extraordinary how Aisha (RA) recorded details that only she would know.

No man would write or record such an intimate detail like where did the Prophet (S) put his lips on a glass. But a woman does not forget how she is made to feel, whether in good times or bad times. Emotions remain in the body, and the body does not lie. The mind can rationalize wrong things but the body does not play games.

More specifically, a sound heart does not lie.

Writing Retreat

I’m going to my first writing retreat! Imagine a cabin in the woods, with a laptop and lots of coffee.

Thanks to the generous support of the Highlights Foundation, I will have the opportunity to gather with Muslim writers and illustrators (published or unpublished) share our stories and network. I met a tenured CUNY law professor over the phone who is in this program, and I invited her to do a playdate with me at a Yemeni coffee that is also my avorite spot for writing. We started talking about our creative journeys, and I felt like I knew her my whole life. Who would have thought I’d have something in common with a tenured law professor?

The writing retreat is funded by a grant from the Doris Duke Foundation through its Building Bridges Program. The Building Bridges Program supports national efforts, working with U.S. Muslims, to increase mutual understanding and well-being among diverse populations for the benefit of building stronger, inclusive communities. The program aims to further that bridge-building mission by creating space for more diverse, authentic Muslim narratives for children and young adults, and by addressing common misperceptions of those narratives in the children’s publishing industry.

I can’t wait to connect with other storytellers in this space.

A Question for You

I am brainstorming ideas and reading more middle grade and children’s books this season of life. I cannot tell you how gratifying it is to read my friend (Farrah)’s board book to my kids these days at bedtime. I pray that one day I can write a story worth sharing with you.

Are there kidlit books you loved as a child? Books that you read and reread for a child in your life? Please leave a comment and share your inspiration with me!

Is this blog post a promotional advertisement for Haraz Coffee? Sorry!! I really enjoy this spot for its beautiful feel, and I love taking guests here!